My friend Anna is amazing. Without a doubt one of the most talented ladies I know, and she is adorable and really humble about it, which makes me love her all the more. She is the mastermind behind making my website look awesome and she has designed some cool logos for me as well. You can check out her awesome work right here on her website where she is a quilter (most popular for her quilted name pillows, amazing!!), has designed fabric, is a free lance graphic design artist, and is a stay at home momma. You can also learn more about how you can get a session like this HERE.
Here is Her Story:
It’s been 4.5 months since this little lady has been born and I still can’t wrap my mind around the fact that my daughter is here with me.
I have been dreaming about having a daughter ever since I was a little girl. I would save my favorite things growing up thinking, “One day, I will give this to my daughter.” I have a collection of journals, notes, favorite books and toys from my childhood to give to her. Even as an adult, I would hoard away my most favorite fabrics for years, saving them to make her a quilt with. I carried the name Austen in my heart and knew that was to be her name. My baby girl, whom I didn’t know if I would ever have in real life, lived in my heart for a long time.
When we were having trouble getting pregnant and then miscarried, I saw my dream crumble before my eyes. I grieved over the fact that the baby girl I envisioned was probably not real and just in my imagination. How could I be so sad over someone that wasn’t real? But I was. Throughout the months after my miscarriage, the Lord comforted my heart and I found peace in Him, trusting Him that he knows what is best for my family. I grew content with the little family I had and treasured each moment with my son because life is so precious. Not only am I in control of the number of days in his life but I’m also not in control of who gets to come into this world. What a blessing it is to have my sweet boy.
In my contentment, I started cutting up the fabrics I was saving for my baby girl and making that quilt I had planned for her. I figured, if she comes, then all my prayers were answered. And if not, I will snuggle under this quilt and continue dreaming of her, like I had done all those years.
The day I saw the positive on the pregnancy test, I knew right away it was her. Of course, I had some doubts because I wasn’t 100% sure but I had a feeling that it was a girl. And when we found out it was a girl, I just couldn’t believe it. My Austen girl was real.
I had a lot of fears in my pregnancy, fears that I would lose her during that time. I prayed furiously over her and myself every single day, that the Lord would be gracious to us, that I would see her in my arms.
I also prayed that she would be born on March 24. Her due date is the 25th but the 24th was special to me. It is the same date as my son’s birthday and my husband and I’s anniversary. At midnight on March 24, in the car on the way to the hospital, I could feel my body transition into active labor. She was coming on the day I prayed for.
During this season of my life, the waiting, the sorrow, the fear, the excited anticipation, what I have learned about the Lord is that he is sovereign. He is sovereign over every single detail of my life. The timing of when things happen, the people that come in and out of my life, the events and details of each single day, he is in charge over all of it. My story that has played out in my life, the good and the bad, is beautiful because it is ultimately His Story. And I am so grateful for the abundant grace to be a part of it.
There are mornings where I wake up and panic that it was all a dream. The pregnancy, the birth, holding her in my arms. But then I look over and see her laying there next to me in bed, breathing deeply and heart beating strongly, and all I can do is thank my Savior that she is real…and that she belongs to me.
My life as a work-at-home mom is challenging. This is the path that both me and my husband both felt like the Lord was leading us on and there has been much peace over it. But the balance of working for yourself and caring for your family is hard and I think will always have to be reevaluated from time to time.
I try to plan out my days where I spend the majority of it with my children (my son is home from school for the summer which has been great bonding time for him and his sister) and then my evenings are scheduled for work. It seems bad that I have to pencil my husband in my calendar for us to hang out but it has to be done or I will put work ahead of him and not even realize it. There are also some days where I just have to work as much as I can the whole day so I let my son watch tv and play as much video games as he wants while the baby plays on the floor next to me while I work. I feel bad for doing it but my son LOVES those days.
If I didn’t have to contribute financially every month, I would not work as hard as I do. Children grow too fast. Literally! I can’t believe my son is almost 8 and is about to start the second grade. Not that long ago, he was the baby and in my arms. It dawned on me the other day that I don’t remember the last time I was able to carry my son and that made me incredibly sad. Don’t work so hard if you don’t have to. Of course, take time for yourself and if you enjoy doing something on the side, please do it. Us moms need an outlet outside of caring for our families and household. Even if we didn’t need my income, I would still create and sew because I love doing it. But I would not be hustling the way I am now. I rather take it slow with my kids and husband then hustle all day long.
I can’t believe summer is quickly coming to an end. My son will start the second grade in two weeks and will also be playing soccer on a big kids league. No more co-ed soccer for this guy. My daughter will soon be enjoying her first holidays: Halloween, Thanksgiving, and my most favorite, Christmas. My freelance graphic business is going very well with new clients coming in almost every week. I can’t wait to see how freelance pans out for me and hopefully this will become a permanent work solution for me instead of going back to work when the baby is bigger.
There’s a lot of unknowns in the future but I know God is sovereign and I can’t wait to see how He will continue writing my life for His Story.